FUNNIEST EDITED FOR TV MOVIE LINES
Compiled by Barry Dutter
Don't you love how they edit out the curse words when an R-rated movie is shown on network TV? Here are some of my favorite edits.
1) SAMUEL L. JACKSON's classic line from SNAKES ON A PLANE: "I have had it with these MOTHER-FUCKING SNAKES on this MOTHER-FUCKING PLANE!” becomes “I have had it with these MONKEY-FIGHTING SNAKES on this MONDAY TO FRIDAY PLANE!”
2) JOHN GOODMAN in THE BIG LEBOWSKI: "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!" The TV version says "This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!"
3) In FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH, the words “fucking jerk” are replaced with “Fuzzy nerd” and “He’s been STONED since the third grade” becomes “He’s been STRANGE since the third grade.”)
4) DIE HARD 2: “Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker” becomes “Yippee ki-yay, Mr. Falcon,” which is funny because nobody in the movie is named “Mr. Falcon”
5) From THE USUAL SUSPECTS: “Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker” becomes “Hand me the keys, you fairy godmother.”
6) Al Pacino in SCARFACE “This town is like a great big pussy, just waiting to get fucked.” becomes ““This town is like a great big chicken, just waiting to get plucked.”
7) Also from SCARFACE: “Where’d you get that beauty scar, tough guy? Eating pussy?” becomes ““Where’d you get that beauty scar, tough guy? Eating pineapple?”
8) SAM JACKSON in PULP FICTION: “My eyes are wide fucking open” becomes “My eyes are wide focused open”
9) From LETHAL WEAPON: "That's a real badge, I'm a real cop and this is a real FUCKING Gun" becomes "That's a real badge, I'm a real cop and this is a real FIRING Gun!"
10) From SMOKEY & THE BANDIT: Jackie Gleason’s favorite curse word, “sumbitch” becomes “scum bum’ in the TV version.
11) In DIE HARD 3, SAMUEL L. JACKSON (him again!) calls BRUCE WILLIS “a racist MOTHERFUCKER" in the movie, but on network TV it becomes “a racist MELON FARMER!” Right. Because most melon farmers are racist!
12) THE ALL-TIME CLASSIC: From THE EXORCIST: “Your mother sucks cocks in hell” becomes, “Your mother sews socks that smell!”
1 comment:
I can't believe that I Googled "fuzzy nerd" and found someone else who witnessed it! Another good one was the substitution of "meeky freaky" for mother f*#ker in a Spike Lee movie. Can't remember which one.
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