PLEASE, GOD -- MAKE ADAM SANDLER STOP!

Forbes Magazine just released their list of the highest paid actors from the past year. Leonardo DiCaprio and  Johnny Depp held the top two spots. But the biggest surprise to me was the actor who came in at number three: Adam Sandler.
That blows my mind, considering Adam Sandler hasn’t made a funny movie in over a decade. (It’s been a long time since THE WATER BOY!)
Somehow, he continues to crank out two or three movies a year, tricking the American public into thinking the movies will be good, based on a trailer with a crazy concept and one or two semi-funny lines in it.
And the American public continues to buy it. Essentially, the film-goers of the world are financing an annual three-month vacation to Hawaii for Sandler and all his pals. While Sandler and his friends are there, they make a movie -- usually an unfunny one with a weak concept and a sappy message.
But somehow, just about every movie the guy makes is a blockbuster.
I really don’t understand it. Of all the comics who ever left SNL and tried to make it in the movies, Sandler is arguably the most successful -- after Eddie Murphy. But Murphy seems to be slowing down in recent years, while Sandler shows no signs of stopping. Sandler not only stars in his own movies, he also produces lame movies for other comics like David Spade, Rob Schneider and Kevin James.
Sandler has had at least twelve movies gross over $100 million. How many comics can say they’ve done that? Bill Murray has four. Will Ferrell has five. Dan Ackroyd has  three. Eddie Murphy has 14, but that’s counting the four SHREK movies. Take away the cartoons, and Murphy only has 10. Again discounting the Shreks, Mike Myers has three. That means Sandler has had more top-grossing live-action movies than any former SNL star.
And most comedy fans would agree that Murphy in his prime was funnier than Sandler ever was.
I just don’t get Sandler’s appeal. His first couple of starring roles had a few laughs --I smirked at BILLY MADISON, and I actually liked HAPPY GILMORE and THE WEDDING SINGER.
But I haven’t paid to see a Sandler movie since then. I will sometimes catch one of his newer movies on home video, and then I always wonder what the fuss was about.
Sandler's movie career started quietly. His first few films made money, but they weren't blockbusters. His attempt to do an action comedy (BULLETPROOF) was a rare misfire.
It was THE WATER BOY in 1998 that really put Sandler over the top. That was the one where Sandler took his “geeky guy with anger issues” persona and figured out how to maximize it for the biggest box office. (My take on that one: a golfer who is angry and takes his aggression out on the golf course -- like Happy Gilmore -- is funny. A football player who is angry and takes his aggression out on his opponents on the field -- not so much.)
Most of Sandler’s movies since then have been variations on that same persona. (ANGER MANAGEMENT, anyone?) As long as he sticks to broad comedies with high concepts, Sandler’s movies make money. When he deviates from the formula and tries to do something on a smaller scale, it always bombs (SPANGLISH, FUNNY PEOPLE.) Since THE WATERBOY, Sandler has only had one high-concept movie that  failed to connect with the American public: LITTLE NICKY, where he played the son of Satan.
I don’t know why Sandler bugs me so much. I guess it’s because his movies are lazy. It’s like he’s not really trying very hard. He’s done three remakes in the last 10 years. Sometimes he remakes movies so obscure, people don’t even realize they’re watching a remake. (JUST GO WITH IT was a redo of a Walter Matthau/Goldie Hawn vehicle from the early 70s.) Sometimes he remakes a movie that was done right the first time (THE LONGEST YARD).
Sometimes he doesn’t even have a concept -- he just throws a bunch of comics in one movie and hopes it comes out funny. (What was the concept of GROWN-UPS, anyway? That 40-year-old guys can ride a water slide?)
Part of Sandler’s winning formula involves working with the same people over and over again. Dennis Dugan has directed 7 of Sandler’s movies, including BIG DADDY and YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN.
Sandler often uses the same writers, like SNL vet Robert Smigel, David Wain, and Steve Koren. Maybe that’s the real secret of Sandler’s success -- he sticks with his friends. Perhaps that’s why he’s been able to succeed, while so many far funnier SNL vets have failed. He’s found just the right combination of staying loyal to his old SNL and comedy club pals, while at the same time working with successful, acclaimed filmmakers like Judd Apatow and James L. Brooks.
Sandler is intensely loyal to his people. He always tries to find work for his old SNL cohorts (like Schneider, Dana Carvey, Tim Meadows, Colin Quinn, and Norm McDonald) in supporting roles in his movies or in movies of their own.
I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he uses all the same cinematographers on his movies, the same cameramen, the same crew, the same craft services guys. There may be hundreds of people working in Hollywood who depend on Sandler to make a living. This may be another reason why he keeps cranking out hit movies -- he's too big to fail. He's a one-man film industry. He's figured out that the people in Hollywood who tried to make it alone failed, but by surrounding himself with a team that he trusts, he's able to do what no one other has ever done.
To put Sandler’s astounding success in perspective, consider this: Chris Rock has struggled for years to find a successful starring movie role. Rock’s solo movies are always box office disappointments. His two biggest hits are GROWN-UPS and THE LONGEST YARD -- both Sandler vehicles where Rock was given a costarring role.

Most people would agree that Chris Rock is funnier than Adam Sandler. And yet Rock has not been able to tap into Sandler’s winning formula for making hit comedies.
It’s like Sandler  has discovered the secret for making smash movies. Take dumb premise, just add water and former second-banana SNL stars.
Most superstar comedians have an arc to their careers --- they start out red hot, then over time, they fade in popularity as the public grows tired of them. Gradually their movies make less and less money. Maybe they start doing straight to video movies, a la Schneider. Maybe they do sitcoms, like David Spade.
But somehow, the public has never grown tired of Sandler, and it seems they never will. At this point, it seems Sandler may accomplish the impossible -- he may make more hit movies than any comic who has ever lived -- all of it done without being very funny or very original. (There are echoes of Jerry Lewis’ man-child persona in much of Sandler’s work.)
Worst of all, many of Sandler’s comedies now get very preachy and include “messages” and “life lessons.“ Even when Sandler has a can’t-miss comedy premise -- like a TV remote control that controls real life, as in CLICK -- he manages to blow it by making the movie take a surprisingly maudlin turn about 2/3 of the way through.
Sandler has a new movie coming out this summer -- JACK AND JILL --- in which he plays (wait for the high concept!) both a brother and his annoying twin sister. It looks like his worst movie yet. My prediction? It will make over $100 million, and pave the way for decades of bad Sandler movies to come.
There is no stopping the man. Sandler may not really be the son of Satan, but he seems to have made some kind of deal with the devil!